NPR – The “Bumper Car Psychos” are easy to spot. While the other bumper cars at New Jersey’s Keansburg Amusement Park spin wildly from one collision to the next, the Psychos cruise gracefully around the track, grinning from ear to ear as they slam their targets into the wall. That’s not the only reason the Psychos stand out. Keith Van Brunt and Tom Mgerack both weigh upwards of 300 pounds, and both are heavily tattooed. They’ve been riding the old bumper cars here every Friday night since 1996. Someone started calling them “psycho” the following year, and the name just stuck. “For me, it’s kind of like an adrenaline rush,” says Van Brunt. “You know, some people jump out of planes for adrenaline rushes? Bumper cars, that’s like my adrenaline rush.” For Mgerack, the ride is an escape from mundane problems: “You’re concentrating on what’s going on in there, and you’re looking to who you’re going to go after next, or look to see who’ s coming to get you,” he says. “Keeps you out of trouble.” The Bumper Car Psychos always ride the same cars: Van Brunt likes the blue police car, while Mgerack prefers the red one with the Harley-Davidson logo. The men have learned to maneuver these classic cars with uncanny precision, even through the floor’s coating of kerosene and graphite that keeps the ride slick. “You can’t drive them like a car,” Mgerack says. “You always see people get in and they spin the wheel all the way to the left. And they’re going nowhere ’cause the wheel’s stuck, and it’s not going. The Psychos try to save their best hits for later in the night, when the bigger kids get behind the wheel. And occasionally, they get as good as they give. “We’re not invincible,” says Mgerack. “We’re not saying that we’re the best in the world. … It’s bumper cars — you’re gonna get hit.”
How about these two sons of bitches? Just living the dream down at the Jersey Shore tearing up the bumper car track. Just two fat motherfuckers in Psychoville dominating the amusement park. Keith and Tom in their police cruiser and their Harley in the bumper car ring forgetting about life’s problems. In Psychoville diabeetus doesn’t exist. In Psychoville nobody has coronary attacks. In Psychoville it doesn’t matter if you’re so fat you can’t see your own penis. In Psychoville all that matters is the next target you’re putting into the wall.
I’m actually surprised bumper cars haven’t been outlawed yet by some pussy politicians or something. Banned at amusement parks for promoting vehicular violence and reckless driving or something. Glad to see there’s still guys out there giving kids whiplash and rattling brains. One day tackling in football and bumper cars are gonna be banned in this country and thats the day I renounce my citizenship.