The world is filled with stupid people. I’d say roughly 99% of people populating this planet are unintelligent. And there is no better place to see these people in action than on Twitter. Twitter is a magical place. A place where idiots of all shapes and sizes spew their thoughts and feelings all while exhibiting a very loose grasp on the English language. This is the list of the stupidest people on Twitter…

Just know that you can search the following phrases on twitter and almost always find someone saying them. Its like constant, perpetual stupidity. We’ll start off with a couple classics -

11. People who think the word is “fustrating” 

I really wish I could give the human race the benefit of the doubt here and say these are typos. They just missed the first R, right? For sure not.

10. People who think the word is “Supposebly” 

Theres a 500% chance if you say “Fustrate” and “supposebly” you also say “libary” instead of library.

 

9. People who think the phrase is “Doggie Dog World”

(Note – my bad, Nekoda Stacker. I didnt realize you were just quoting snoop.)

I’ll be perfectly honest, Bruno Nasty, I have no idea what you’re talking about. But it sounds pretty profound. When a dog is smart enough not to chase the ball, I guess we’re all fucked.

8. People who think the phrase is “Take for granite”

You can’t live your life assuming things are granite. Sometimes things are marble. Sometimes things are limestone. Not everything in your life is granite.

7. People who think the phrase is “Escape goat”

I’ll be honest – I have no idea why “scapegoat” means what it does. But do I know that it has nothing to do with a goat getting away? Yes.

6. People who think the phrase is “Double Standers”

You can’t stand here and stand there. Then you’d be a double stander. And double standers are not fair. Stand in one, single place.

5. People who think the smartest person in their class is the “Valid Victorian”

You are the champion of validity! The victor of valid! You are…the Valid Victorian.

4. The people who think when you are improvising you are “playing it by year”

Things change from year to year. So forget about last year. We’ll just play it by this year. Whatever this year is doing is what we’ll do.

3. People who have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE that the phrase is “might as well.” These people have their own subsets:

A) Mine as well

It belongs to me, in addition?

B) Minus Well

Subtract the shaft from which we collect water!

C) My personal favorite – Midas Whale

You know, I can see where “mine as well” might trip you up. I will even give you the benefit of the doubt of “minus well.” But MIDAS WHALE is so unbelievably stupid I can’t even begin to understand the thought process behind it. That is staggering. Midas – a figure of Greek Mythology. Whale – a marine mammal. Midas Whale – a phrase meaning you should probably do something as opposed to not doing something.

2. People who think prison fences are lined with “bob wire.”

Who is this Bob Wire dude? At least according to “blaaah” he’s all up in some chick’s mouth

1. People who think Ellen Degeneres’ name is “Ellen The Generous” 

I can see where this comes from. I really can. Oprah The Great. Ellen The Generous. It all makes perfect sense. But it doesn’t mean you’re not one of the stupidest motherfuckers on the planet if you think thats her name.

So just remember – Its a doggie dog world, out there, folks. And there’s a lot of double standers. But thats not an escape goat to take for granite people like Ellen The Generous. You midas whale take the bob wire off of your heart and let her in.