So Taco Bell has a new 5 Buck Box. Most fulfilling and satisfying 5 dollar box since ya motha’s. You can either get a combo of: Cheesy Double Decker Taco, Taco Supreme, Burrito Supreme, Cinnamon Twists, and a Medium Drink. Or: Beefy Crunch Burrito, Crunch Wrap Supreme, Crunchy Taco, Cinnamon Twists, Medium Soda. Speaking in terms of weight, thats pound for pound the best fast food deal I’ve ever seen. Last nite I proclaimed it the most important development in fast food deals since McDonald’s put the Double Cheeseburger on the Dollar Menu.

So it sparked a conversation between me and my buddy the Big Weez. This kid put in a formal request the other day to have his nickname changed to “Thickness,” so as you can imagine he shares my affinity for disgustingly unhealthy food. So this debate was, hypothetically speaking, if there was one giant fast food conglomerate, much like the Barstoolsports.com Superblog, where you could create your own custom 5 Buck Box, what 3 items, side, and drink would you include?

Mine was a Big Mac from McDonalds, a Cheesy Gordita Crunch from Taco Bell, a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy’s, McDonald’s Fries and a Medium Coke. And it literally pained me to the core to leave a 5 Piece Chicken Nuggets from Wendy’s off this list. Like brought tears to my eyes. It was like making a parent choose between saving the life of only one of his 2 children. Either McD’s fries or 99 cent 5 Piece Nuggets with that fucking delicious bar-b-que sauce. Almost an impossible question. But for the sake of history and tradition, I gotta have some fries in that box. 5 piece nuggets on the outside looking in is like the AL East the past few years where you could win like 95 games and miss the playoffs. Either way though, my Fantasy 5 Buck Box is killer. Unstoppable force of calories and deliciousness.

Big Weez put together quite possibly the worst box possible. It was Chick-Fil-A sandwich, Double Cheeseburger from McD’s, “new” Burger King fries, an Oreo Blizzard from Dairy Queen, and a Coke. What the fuck is that shit? Dairy Queen? Why don’t you just get a salad from Friendly’s too. Idiot. Not too mention you filled up one of your spots for a full sandwich/burger with an order of french fries. You basically ordered two sides with the fries and blizzard. Terrible decision making. And while I’ve never had Chik-Fil-A, I’m almost positive there’s no way their sandwiches can beat a chicken cutlet sandwich from an NYC deli. Cue the Chik-Fil-A freaks going berserk. I swear Chik-Fil-A fans are like a fucking cult.

Stoolies – Try and beat my 5 Buck Box. Can’t be done.