NYPost – A glamorous, pre-op transsexual hooker is holding a kinky FDNY calendar boy’s feet to the fire in a Manhattan courtroom — accusing him of punching, biting and choking her during a violent breakup in a Midtown hotel. “I’m screaming and screaming and screaming!” fiery Claudia Charriez told jurors of grappling on the bed with strapping smoke-eater Taylor Murphy in testimony yesterday. “He’s freaking me out because I can’t breathe,” she panted on the witness stand, her giant artificial breasts heaving under her filmy blouse. The hunky Murphy, meanwhile, sat at the defense table rubbing his eyes with a tissue and sniffling loudly, later explaining to The Post, “It’s very difficult to sit here and listen to what she’s saying.” 

Murphy posed beefcake-style as Mr. March in a 2011 calendar of FDNY hose-handlers. Charriez continued on the stand, “He’s choking me with one hand, and he’s got the other hand over my mouth so that I can’t scream,” She flicked her long peroxide hair from her shoulder and grasped her own neck with her manicured hand. “My contact popped out of my eye!” she said, describing the force of the alleged attack. Charriez admitted on the stand that she suffers “a venereal disease” and has worked as an escort since running away at age 14 from a Spanish Catholic family in Queens. “Why were you an escort?” prosecutor Kevin Rooney asked her. “To live,” she answered in a feminine half-whisper. Charriez insisted she stopped escorting a year ago. But today, the second-round bell will sound in the sensational courtroom battle — and Murphy’s defense lawyer says he plans to take the gloves off — grilling Charriez more closely about her past and present employment.

 

So if you know your America’s Next Top Model history (which I don’t, I just read it) you’ll remember Claudia Charriez as the human that was kicked off in 2006 for being born a man. Well now she’s back in the spotlight with the pre-op tranny hooker abuse case to end all pre-op tranny hooker abuse cases. The defendant, her ex-boyfriend and former FDNY centerfold Taylor Murphy, is accused of doing what I think most guys would want to do if they found out their girlfriend was born with a hog. But the difference here is that this dude knew he was banging a tranny the whole time, Mack in Always Sunny style. Well if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: any dude who bangs trannies is eventually gonna end up beating the shit out of them. A man can only take so much ball-busting from his buddies. And he’s a firefighter! Imagine all the shit he took down at the firehouse? Like “hey Taylor, I bet you got a lot of practice sliding down the pole last night, huh?” and “hey taylor, does your girlfriend wear magnums?” and “hey Taylor, better get an AIDS test cause you’re fucking a dude, faggot.” Must’ve been rough.

But in all seriousness I think the beating began cause she was working as a hooker and gave him an STD. Understandable why he’s mad, but bro, here’s some advice: how about not dating tranny hookers in the first place? You’re a fucking NYC firefighter. You can fuck literally any girl in the entire city. Why choose a tranny hooker? Just doesn’t make sense. Whatever melts your butter I guess.

PS – So we need the obligatory Always Sunny clip here, but I’m gonna throw you a curve ball. Here’s a clip from the original pilot that the gang filmed themselves and eventually sold to FX. It was when they were shooting in LA instead of Philly and you can hear Dennis call Mack “Rob.” It’s the origin of the tranny: