(watch all 6 minutes)

“Alls you need is a bottle of Jack Daniels, a vibrator and a body pillow. You dont have to cook for your pillow you dont have to clean for it. Nothin. You know what I’m saying? You can drink, you can use ya vibrator and you can spoon ya pillow whenever you want. And then whenever ya good and ready you can fuhck ya pillow. You can even fuhck ya pillow when its that time of the month and I guarantee you nobody’s gonna care. Might get a little messy though. It will be like a crime scene pillow.”

“Sluts need love too. And plus every man should date a stripper at least once in their life”

“I just want a man that can tickle my belly button from the inside. Not asking for a lot. Or like get creative, put loctite on my dildo and shove it up there. It works best in the tightest of situations.”

“I’m gonna go on Craigslist and put out an ad for a little Sunday evening gangbang and it will be a sexual mxer for me and then maybe i;ll find the man of my dreams like that.”

“Whats more embarrassing, a pussy fart or a limp dick? His dick was limp before I pussy farted. But yea that was pretty embarassing. I swear the room was completely silent and alls I heard was an uncontrollable pussy fart and I saw the walls of his motha’s basement vibrating like they were shaking like an earthquake was about to happen.”

Buckle. Your fucking. Seatbelt. We have so so so so so much to delve into here its absolutely outrageous. I could write a 50,000 word dissertation on this broad. All I can tell you is that this chick hit the nail on the head. She is truly genuinely absolutely, The Undateable Girl.

Lets start with the obvious. Because not drying off when you get out of the shower, not filling up ice trays, not turning off lights and not shutting the door is the least of your problems. You are undateable because you are ugly. You look like the fat witch from Hocus Pocus. Undateable.

Secondly, it looks as if you live in a dungeon of sorts. Perhaps a cave or the bottom of a well that Buffalo Bill kept his prisoners in during Silence of the Lambs. I would never want to spend any time with anyone in there, let alone with you. Those who live in caves are undateable.

You fall asleep while sucking dick. The logistics of that happening are mind boggling. Undateable.

In this 6 minute video you referenced uncircumcised penises twice. Thats an uncircumcised penis reference rate of once every 3 minutes. Anyone who talks about foreskin and shit more than once a year = undateable.

It sounds like your pussy farts could knock over all three homes belonging to the Little Pigs. Including the one made of bricks. Undateable.

You fuck strangers on Valentine’s day and you’re a stripper and you schedule gangbangs on the Sabbath and you get blacked out 24/7. Undate…wait what? I could probably get down with this broad. And she’s a Jets fan? Yo shawty holler at your boy KFC.