NBC – The Czech government banned the sale of hard alcohol in the wake of a series of deaths linked to such drinks. Health Minister Leos Heger made the announcement in a television broadcast. The ban would apply for the foreseeable future to all liquor with an alcohol content of more than 20 per cent. The announcement comes after at least 19 deaths linked to people who drank vodka or rum drinks spiked with methanol, which can cause illness in small quantities and blindness or death in larger doses.

You hear that? It’s the sound of everyone in the Czech Republic killing themselves.

I really can’t believe the Czech government would think that banning booze would reduce deaths. You kidding me? Motherfuckers are gonna be jumping off buildings in record numbers. The sale of rope and razor blades is gonna skyrocket. You won’t be able to go five minutes without hearing another gunshot. It’s gonna be like that movie The Happening where everyone just drops what they’re doing and offs themselves.

Yeah, I guess Czech people can still get beer and wine, but sometimes that just doesn’t do it. Sometimes you need a few shots to get the party going. And without any hard liquor around, the only shots that are gonna be taken in the Czech Republic are self-inflicted gunshots to the face.