PORT ELIZABETH, South Africa — Two excited, supposedly tame cheetahs mauled a Scottish tourist in a petting area at a South Africa game park, forcing her to play dead and turning her holiday into a “nightmare.” The Port Elizabeth Herald reported the incident at the Kragga Kamma Game Park began last Saturday when Violet D’Mello, who had just posed for a picture with the hand-reared cheetahs named Mark and Monty, tried to protect a seven-year-old boy. According to D’Mello, who was with her husband, Archibald, one of the animals first grabbed the leg of a visiting eight-year-old girl, leaving her with cuts and abrasions. When she was free, it appeared to run after her seven-year-old brother. Park manager Mike Cantor said it was not clear what had triggered the attack by the cheetahs, who had been hand-reared since birth and were considered extremely tame. “From what we’ve been told, there was a lot of commotion at the scene, which, unfortunately, most likely aggravated them somewhat,” Cantor told the Herald. “We’re also considering the possibility that a female in heat in one of the neighboring enclosures might have played a role here, but we can’t be sure at this stage.”

What kinda fuckin petting zoo has fuckin cheetahs??? Petting zoos are supposed to be like sheep and llamas. Not goddam mountain lions. Might as well have tigers and bears and velociraptors up in that shit. Honey take a picture of me touching and poking and agitating this giant dangerous feline! What could go wrong?