This Hamptons Handyman Likes To Go On Twitter And Complain About Rich People Because He’s A Poor Piece Of Shit
Daily Mail – A short helicopter ride from New York, it is the millionaire’s playground where money is supposed to do all the talking. But now one man is gleefully popping the egos of the wealthy elite in The Hamptons – with a biting Twitter feed that mocks them all. Joe Schwenk has been tweeting wry observations about city dwellers who come to the exclusive resort which show up how detached from reality they have become. The handyman and all round dogsbody tells of how he once saw a sweat-drenched woman wearing a cell phone headset scream at a juice bar cashier: ‘I told you to make it with RICE MILK! RICE MILK! RICE MILK!’ On another occasion he was told to spend a small fortune on 200 cashmere sweaters for guests at a Labour Day party – in case it got a bit chilly at night time. Mr Schwenk regularly includes his ‘Hamptons Request of the Day’ which are all genuine ‘emergencies’ he has dealt with, such as driving a poodle back to New York while the owner flew. He has even come up with a name for the morons from Manhattan who plague him every summer – and branded them ‘Citiots’. His problems come from wealthy Manhattanites who are so high-powered and high stressed they are utterly clueless about anything. His special wrath is reserved for ‘Hedgies’, or hedge fund managers who seem to cause him particular offence. One of his Tweets reads: ‘Saving a boat that broke free from a mooring. Name of boat “just watch me”. Should be “just watch me sink”. Hedgies:pls learn to make a knot’. A Hamptons insider however told MailOnline that Mr Schwenk was ‘being a bit hypocritical’ as his family are among the most well established in The Hamptons – and are happy to take money from those he despises.
Hey Joe why don’t you shut the fuck up and go swab the poop deck you homeless idiot! What a piece of 99% shit. Sorry that some people are rich as fuck and you’re an impoverished slave. Oh the rich people who have a boat want a bigger one! Waaaaaah! Maybe if you had an ounce of ambition you wouldn’t still be barbacking at the Stowaway, bro. Maybe if you weren’t so poor and homeless drinking rain water and eating out of dumpsters you’d enjoy a nice glass of rice milk too. Don’t hate the playa hate the game you spiteful crybaby bitch.
Whats hilarious about this whole story is he’s probably the highest paid handyman on the fucking planet earth. You spend your life in the fucking Hamptons doing oddjobs in the lap of luxury. And you’ve got the nerve to complain about other people? You probably get paid like 500 bucks every time you do a shitty job fixing someone’s Mercedes. Boo woo poor me I have to work on a 200 foot yacht sailing around the Long Island Sound. Guess what bro? YOU’RE STILL ON A 200 FOOT YACHT IN THE HAMPTONS. Like 150% of the population would kill to be able to do that. Sailors and fisherman who spend their summers at Sammy’s Fish Box with their boat docked in City Island would fucking kill to be you. And you sit around tweeting all day behind people’s backs like an ungrateful sniveling spoiled spiteful brat. You know how many cubicle monkeys would drop everything in a second to go be a handyman on one of the most beautiful islands in the world? Spend your life fixing rich people’s toys in the sun on the beach trying to pick up trophy wives and cougars and bougie girls in sharehouses. My life is a fuckin complete joke and a constant party and even I’d drop everything to be you.
At least the bougie assholes in the Hamptons earned their money and earned the right to spend their lives on the beach and on the ocean and in their mansions. You’re just there piggybacking on their wealth you freeloading son of a bitch.