Dude ease up. You and the Cap’n Make It Happen, I thought? Since its kinda been like food week here at the Stool, I’ll finish off the week with a quick cereal list. Bear in mind its Friday afternoon so this doesn’t have my heart and soul in it, but its a pretty good indicator of where I stand cereal wise. Before people get bent out of shape, I ironically don’t like chocolate cereal. So there will be no Cocoa Puffs, Cookie Crisp, Reese’s Etc on this list. Just deal with it

5. Honey Nut Cheerios – Old faithful. Not as boring and plain as Corn Flakes, but still has some sort of healthy value. Touch of honey and the first bite you take you’re always reminded “You know, these are pretty good.”

4. Frosted Flakes – How mad do you think the Corn Flakes inventor was when some dude just jacked his idea and put sugar on them? That guy straight up got Zuckerberg’d. Or Winklevoss’d. However you look at it.

3. Corn Pops – Theres a reason why people say “I gotta have my Pops.” Because they are fucking delicious. Those little puffs are pretty soggy resistant too. You’re not gonna get kids jumping up in the air for Pops but they are solid regardless.

2. Lucky Charms – Who would have thought dried up marshmallows would be so goddam delicious? And listen I know everyone always bashes the oates portion of Lucky Charms, and for good reason. But lets be honest, we couldn’t have a bowl of just marshmallows. The oats are a necessary evil. This cereal was delicious when you’re 5 and will be delicious until you’re 105.

1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch – The undisputed champion of cereals. The Oreos of breakfast. Not something outrageously childish with marshmallows, but sugary enough to please the masses. Especially like 4-5 minutes in when they aren’t so crunchy they rip up the roof of your mouth but not yet too soggy. Perfect.

Important note regarding cereal – I can vividly remember time periods in my life where I have had full blown obsessions with almost every cereal out there. Except for fag shit like shredded wheat. But I went through Apple Jacks phases, Trix phases, Fruit Loops. I think the only cereal I never ate was Smacks. Just a testament to how awesome all cereal is. Every top 5 list is probably money.

PS – My roommate has had ONE bowl of cereal his whole life. Im pretty sure hes a terrorist.