New ScientistIf you’re missing your partner and fancy a smooch, it’s time to pucker up. Well, as long as you don’t mind kissing an eyeless Mr Potato Head, that is. A new messaging device, dubbed Kissenger, lets users send kisses wirelessly to one another. Unveiled at the Designing Interactive Systems conference in Newcastle, UK, in June, Kissenger comprises a pair of pressure-sensitive soft plastic lips which protrude through a smooth plastic casing the size of a large Easter egg. The lips contain pressure sensors and actuators. When you kiss them, the shape changes you create are transmitted in real time over the net to a receiving Kissenger. There, the actuators reproduce the mirror image of the pressure patterns you created– magically transmitting your smacker to your partner. ”People have found it a very positive way to improve intimacy in communications with their partners when they are apart,” claims Hooman Samani of Singapore-based Lovotics, which developed the device. The device is a prototype and Samani says it will not be commercialised until “all the ethical and technical considerations are covered”. He adds: “I am not interested in sexual uses for it.”

Before I dive into the Kissinger, I just wanna go on record and say that kissing is hands down the weirdest thing humans do. Who the fuck was the first person who was like “I’m sexually attracted to this person, let me put my tongue inside of their mouth and press my lips against theirs.” There is absolutely no reason to do that. At all. But, alas, somewhere along the line that became the accepted standard and now we gotta drink each other’s spit for all eternity.

This Robot Kissing Egg though, this has some far reaching ramifications. Not sure what I think about it. On the one hand I thought it was a good thing. Just one more way to escape your wife or girlfriend. Like when you head out to the bar and you’re like “I’ll have my cell on me, text me!” Of course you’ll have you’re cell phone on you. Who doesn’t ever have their phone on them? But you’re just trying to get your girlfriend to shut the fuck up about you going out for the night so you’re trying to reassure her you’re just a phone call away. Now you can just be like “I’m going out with the boys for the night, honey. I’ll have my robot kissing egg on me!”

Now the flip side of it is that you gotta carry around a Robot Egg with a pair of lips slapped on it. Its bad enough when you’re the guy who’s gotta step outside of the bar to do a goodnight phone call to your girl. Now you gotta give her an artificial, long distance kiss? Gotta sit there making out with a fucking robot in front of everyone? Thats not a good look. Not a good look at all. I dunno man. I just don’t know. The Kissinger could be a useful tool or you could just end up a pussy whipped bitch at the bar doing shmoopie shmoopie with Mr. Potato Head.

Just call me when this thing can suck my dick.

PS – Robot on robot kissing? I think we got bigger fish to fry in this world than making robots able to fuck each other.