There’s a storm brewing, folks. A storm of chicks who are finding it acceptable to wear high waisted mom jean shorts. Somewhere along the line the fashion powers-that-be decided that jean shorts up over your belly button became “in.” Chicks think they look hot and chic to wear their shorts up to their armpits like middle aged women have done for years.

I first saw it at our Blackout shows but I thought that was just because people got ridiculous and dressed up like it was fuckin Halloween for those things. But this weekend was when I realized this epidemic has truly reached the masses. What a motherfucking disaster. Everywhere I looked, chicks had their shorts hiked up to their fuckin tits. Looks like someone took a pair of overalls and just chopped the straps off. Looks like a pair of denim Spanxx. Bitches are running around this summer in denim girdles and think they look hot. I cannot stand for this. Will not stand for this. I’ll go on a motherfuckin crusade against these mom shorts. I’ll raise an army if I have too.

And don’t you fuckin dare tell me these are just what the original Daisy Dukes wore and they’re still hot. The original Daisy Dukes pulled them off because she was a smoke actress. Also it was the 70s when everything was fucking weird as shit. After that point anybody who wore their jeans up over their belly button was a fat mom trying to contain their FUPA. See thats the problem with these fucking fashion trends. For every one girl like this who can pull off the look:

Theres some frumpy broad trying to do the same that ends up looking like this:

Yea, the hottest skinniest models can put on these stupid shorts and look hot. They can wear anything and look hot. But when you persuade the masses to wear these, the result is FUPAs and camel toes and a look that reminds me of my mother for the entire decade of the 90s. So, girls – go ahead wear these stupid shorts. Pretend you look like the original Daisy Dukes or the runway models that can pull off any look just so you can be “in.” But just know that you look like a complete asshole.