NYDN - A shirtless showdown in Times Square has the Big Apple’s infamous Naked Cowboy pitted against a feathered foe — the Naked Indian. The Cowboy — who usually basks in the attention of tourists watching him play guitar in a 10-gallon hat and his skivvies — has been forced to watch his rival directly across the street on Broadway corral gawkers with his headdress and drum. “I’ve been here . . . 365 days, everyday for 13 years and change,” said the Cowboy, Robert Burck. “He’s only been here 16 days and missed two already.” Though the Cowboy insisted there is no bad blood between them, he threatened a lawsuit unless the Indian joins his company, Naked Cowboy Enterprises, a franchise that includes Naked Cowgirls and other entertainers. The Indian, whose real name is Adam David, said Times Square doesn’t have enough gimmicks — and then threw down some fighting words. “No one was doing an Indian,” said the aspiring actor. “(The Cowboy and I) have a word-of-mouth contract. This country was built on handshakes and word-of-mouth agreements. I don’t lose, I always win.” It didn’t take a Wild West face-off to see who visitors favored. “I’m Team Cowboy,” said Naomi Carrier, 31, of Union, N.J. “He’s cute, he’s friendly, he’s fun and he has a personality. He was flirty.” Sarah Levenphal, 16, mulled it over before choosing the clear winner. “They’re both nice,” the New Jersey native said. “The Cowboy has a guitar and he sounds more melodic. The Indian doesn’t sing.”

What does these fuckin idiots think I was born yesterday? Think that New Yorkers can’t see right through this elaborate lawsuit hoax? You expect me to believe that a Cowboy…and a motherfucking Indian…just happen to be drumming up attention for their Times Square gimmicks coincidentally? Bullshit. I havent seen a cowboy and indian working in cahoots with each other like this since Little Bear and Boone teamed up in Indian In the Cupboard. Shit reads like a goddam WWF storyline. Wouldn’t be surprised if Vince McMahon orchestrated this whole thing.

PS – Hey Naked Indian – “I don’t lose. I always win.” Really? Thats the line you’re gonna go with as a Native American? Native Americans lose pretty much every single time. Can’t wait for a Times Square street performer called Naked Smallpox to come through. Lets see if you “win” that one.