This might be the most overblown scandal in the history of sports. I think they are making a bigger deal out of this drop than when he was banging whores telling them he wanted to pee on them. But the real story here is the fucking asshole who was watching on TV and called in to snitch on Tiger. What kind of asshole does that? Top 5 potential assholes who ratted on Tiger:
5. Jack Nicklaus
Can never be too safe with that record of 18 Majors
4. Rachel Uchitel/One Of His Whores
Tiger had his way with Uchitel and all his other whores. Banged them in the back of a Volkswagon and what not. Now he’s off gallivanting with Lindsay Vonn back at the top of the leaderboard? For sure not. Whores are spiteful. Rachel Uchitel called the Masters Police the moment she saw a chance to fuck over Tiger
This is obviously the hot pick. Chick embarrassed globally by Tiger and his roaming penis. Lots of people would put her at #1 but to be honest I don’t think she gives a fuck about Tiger anymore. She’s moved on to another billionaire. She’s a gold digger and she’s found another dude to spend all his money on her. Still a safe pick though, because like I said in #4, whores are spiteful
Dude has an irrational hate for Tiger that borderlines on insanity. I think if you combined his hate for KO Barstool, School Administrators, Cats, and Lebron James it still wouldn’t even come close to his hate for Tiger.
1. Rick Reilly
Did you see this smug son of a bitch talking about Dropgate with Van Pelt? I swear to God he came in his pants. Its a whole week’s worth of material for Reilly to spew out corny tweets and awful jokes. Just another ridiculous story for ESPN to shove down our throats for the rest of the weekend and Reilly is leading the pack. Best thing to happen to him since Manti Te’o.
Honorable Mention: Stevie Williams
Another hot pick. But I feel like Stevie Williams probably loves Tiger. Dude would have just been some golf pro at a country club if it wasn’t for him. Instead he was the most famous caddie of all time and has a best selling book. Still could be a sleeper pick though. The only thing more spiteful than a broad is a dude who carries another man’s shit for a living