NEW YORK – A terminal at New York’s JFK Airport had to be evacuated and hundreds of passengers marched back through security screening Saturday, all because one Transport Security Administration (TSA) agent failed to realize his metal detector had been unplugged, sources said. The stunning error led to hours of delays, two planes called back from the runway and infinite frustration for furious passengers. The chaos at Terminal 7 was caused by screener Alija Abdul Majed, who had manned Lane No. 1 during the morning shift with no idea his metal detector had no juice, sources said.

On the VERY off chance that Alija Abdul Majed didn’t do this on purpose so all his terrorist-name-having friends could stroll into JFK unhindered, he’s kind of a hero right? If that was me and I realized I forgot to plug in my x-ray machine there is a less than zero percent chance I tell a soul. No fucking way. Especially with a name like Alija Abdul Majed. Guy saw that cord laying on the ground and realized every blogger in the country is gonna joke about how he’s a terrorist, yet he still told his boss. Pretty heroic if you ask me. Like I would have risked another national disaster and thousands of lives because I didn’t feel like getting yelled at. I’m so serious about this. I’d just convince myself that there were almost definitely no terrorists in my line that morning then continue on my day. If some dude with an X-acto knife and a fake bomb flew a 747 up the White House’s asshole a few hours later I’d just throw up my hands and be like “well in all fairness to me, that would have been a really shitty conversation to have with my boss.”