JERUSALEM - It’s the latest prescription for extreme ultra-Orthodox Jewish men who shun contact with the opposite sex: Glasses that blur their vision, so they don’t have to see women they consider to be immodestly dressed. In an effort to maintain their strictly devout lifestyle, the ultra-Orthodox have separated the sexes on buses, sidewalks and other public spaces in their neighbourhoods. Their interpretation of Jewish law forbids contact between men and women who are not married. Walls in their neighbourhoods feature signs exhorting women to wear closed-necked, long-sleeved blouses and long skirts. Extremists have accosted women they consider to have flouted the code. Now they’re trying to keep them out of clear sight altogether. The ultra-Orthodox community’s unofficial “modesty patrols” are selling glasses with special blur-inducing stickers on their lenses. The glasses provide clear vision for up to a few meters so as not to impede movement, but anything beyond that gets blurry — including women. It’s not known how many have been sold. For men forced to venture outside their insular communities, hoods and shields that block peripheral vision are also being offered. The glasses are going for the “modest” price of $6.

Hey Jews you’re doing it wrong! There’s a reason why everyone always ends up fucking on the nights when they’re wearing beer googles. You walk around all day with fuzzy specs on and every chick you run into might be Bar Refaeli. You see that fuzzy blur over there? For all you know, that might be Natalie Portman or Mila Kunis or some other Jewish smokeshow who wants to suck your circumcised dick.

Now if you had 20/20 vision you’d realize that 90% of the broads you’re looking at over in Israeli ain’t gonna make you stray morally anyway. Take one good look at the Rebekah Glickstein’s of the world and chances are your dick is staying put. But, cover your eyes and spend all day letting your imagination wander daydreaming about every Jew blob you see and you’ll probably be a sexual predator by sundown.

Get it? Sundown? I’m so goddam good at making fun of the Chosens.