MSNBC - An Alabama law firm claims in a lawsuit that Taco Bell is using false advertising when it refers to using “seasoned ground beef” or “seasoned beef” in its products. The meat mixture sold by Taco Bell restaurants contains binders and extenders and does not meet the minimum requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled as “beef,” according to the legal complaint. The class-action lawsuit was filed Friday in federal court in the Central District of California by the Montgomery law firm Beasley, Allen, Crow, Methvin, Portis & Miles. Attorney Dee Miles said attorneys had Taco Bell’s “meat mixture” tested and found it contained less than 35 percent beef. Miles said the lawsuit does not seek monetary damages, but asks the court to order Taco Bell to be honest in its advertising. “We are asking that they stop saying that they are selling beef,” Miles said.

Say whaaattt? You telling me Taco Bell doesn’t have mounds of filet mignon and kobe beef and angus steaks as far as the eye can see back behind those taco fryers? Fucking shocking.  I always thought the Taco Bell folks had a whole private farm where they raised delicious, prize-winning cows. Just a big beautiful plot of land where the cows relax all day and do hot yoga in the morning and eat organic foods and just live like cow kings and cow queens so they can be chopped up and sold to your fat ass in a fucking gordita for $0.89.

But luckily, I’m not a big fast food guy. Back in high school I got food poisoning from a Wendy’s chicken sandwich. Was pissing out of my butt for 2 days straight and have never been the same since. But even before that, I always knew that there are only 3 good reasons for ever eating at Taco Bell.

1) You’re high as shit or drunk as fuck.
2) You’re poor as shit and Mexican as fuck.
3) You fucking love diarrhea.

That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. So if you’ve been going to your local Taco Bell for the hearty healthy beef in the first place, you’re basically fucked. Have just as much of a chance as eating that Taco Bell dog than you do of actual beef. So I guess the moral of the story here is, if you love eating seasoned beef that is over 65% NOT beef, and if you fucking love diarrhea, then Taco Bell is the place for you. How’s that for honest advertising? Maybe not as catchy as “Yo quiero Taco Bell” but honesty is always the best policy. Even the poor, drunk Mexicans will appreciate that.