Daily NewsTurns out watching porn can make you go blind after all. The new sex study shows that watching hard-core erotic films reduces blood flow to the visual cortex of healthy, heterosexual women, blurring their eyesight. Dr. Gert Holstege, a uroneurologist for the University of Groningen Medical Centre in the Netherlands, said the results suggest that when watching naughty flicks, a sexual arousal takes precedence over anxiety in a women’s eyes. “If you look, for example, at your computer and you have to write something or whatever, then you have to look specifically and carefully at what you’re doing because if you don’t, it means you make mistakes,” Holstege told LiveScience.com. “But the moment you are watching explicit sexual movies, that’s not necessary, because you know exactly what’s going on. It’s not important that the door is green or yellow.” A dozen research participants, all on hormonal birth control, were showed three movies: a documentary on Caribbean marine life, a soft-core porn flick and a hard-core one. Using PET scans to peek inside the women’s brains, researchers noted a drop in blood flow to the visual cortex when the participants were watching the hard-core movies, Holstege said. The research results were published this month in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

First thing’s first, I have no shame in admitting that I have no fucking clue what this doctor is talking about. Sexual arousal takes precedence over anxiety? You’re looking at the screen and then you write something on paper and make mistakes because you don’t know if the door is green? I don’t know what the fuck any of that means.

All I know is a drop in blood flow to the visual cortex when you watch hardcore porn does not sound like a good thing. Just classic chicks right there. Sex is such a goddam fiasco for them. Its gotta be the right time of the month. Its gotta be with the right person. Its gotta be the exact right amount of time in the exact right position to feel good. For Christs sake if you do so much as watch sex on a screen you go blind. Where the fuck does it end with you broads? Even your eyes are so goddam picky and prude.

Meanwhile guys are in danger of going blind simply because we stare at porn for tens of thousands of hours. Has nothing to do with sexual arousal and blood flow and shit. We’re just like plasma television screens. You get like 10,000 hours before they shit the bed. One of these days I’m gonna be watching a Casting Couch porno and right as he gets to the “So what I’m gonna ask you to do is suck my cock” part my eyes are just gonna go black.