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CHICAGO - A new kind of adult treat is being whipped up at one Chicago bakery. These deep fried donuts are injected with different jelly and liquor flavors. The owners say the donuts are legal because they cook the fillings to eliminate the alcohol while still leaving the strong flavors behind.

We’re almost there. We’ve almost reached the promised land. It began with donut flavored vodka. The movement continued with edible donut shot glasses. And now we’re taking the first steps towards donuts that will fuck you up. Now obviously this is just step one and this bakery insists on eliminating the alcohol content. But we know it can be done. We know its possible.

Although I must say, I don’t know if I’d ever really wanna cross into the world of alcoholic flavored donuts. It might ruin donuts for me forever. Like I hate rum cake and that kinda shit. I don’t like the flavor of any alcohol – I just drink it to get fucked up. I dont think any of it is enjoyable. So I don’t know if I’d wanna chow down on a whiskey flavored donut. Taints donuts forever. Like how I can’t drink ginger ale anymore because I drank too many Jack and Gingers in college.

So basically I need tasteless alcohol infused into my donuts. Which is basically just pot donuts. Do those exist? Pothead Stoolies let me know.