Tonight’s the night for both these idiots. Months and months of campaigning. Now its just time to sit back hold your breath and figure out if the country hates you just a little bit less than the other guy. Now, I’d imagine win or lose, you’re getting some sort of “Good Job, Good Effort” blow job, no? Like if Mitt just heads to bed tonight a loser and has to pop open some YouJizz and jerk himself to sleep while Ann snoozes in the bed next to him, he should just go ahead and kill himself. Lonely, loser You Jizz sessions are what people like me do. And I’ve never come within inches of being the POTUS. So here’s to hoping Mitt gets a runner up hummer. Or Obama if Mitt pulls it out.

But the winner must just go to town, right? I mean I guess the reality is both of these dudes are old and stressed and probably haven’t fucked their wives in like 20 years. But if you win the goddam Presidential election you gotta believe the winner is having as much violent celebration sex as their bodies and Viagra will allow them. Either Obama is the reigning champ – everyone taking shots at his crown and he still comes out on top. Or Mitt is the guy who took back he belt. Knocked the most powerful man in the country off his throne. Hard to imagine better celebration sex than either of those two scenarios.

Again, realistically Obama and Michele just put on the Cosby Show and fall asleep. Mitt and Ann watch some reruns of Frasier and remember they have like 200 zillion dollars. But right now Big O and Mitt are definitely planning their victory lap inside their women.

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