YahooIt sounds like a science-fiction fantasy, but the company Mars One says it’s for real—and that it will really establish a settlement on the planet Mars by 2023. The privately financed Dutch company has a plan. All it needs is a lot of cash, equipment and four Mars-bound astronauts who are willing to take a one-way trip to the red planet. The idea is to first send rovers, which will stake out a good site for a settlement and then build out living units. In 2022, the crew will take a “transit habitat” for the seven-month trip to Mars and settle in to their new home. The intention is that the crew will live on the planet for the rest of their lives. Every two years after that, another group will join the settlement to populate the colony. Mars One co-founder Bas Lansdorp has a very modern approach to funding the project: media exposure. “We will finance this mission by creating the biggest media event ever around it.” He said in a company video, adding, “Everybody in the world can see everything that will happen in the preparations and on Mars.” Think of it as a “Big Brother” for outer space. Already, the other-worldly idea has intrigued the Web. The Mars One video has received over 232,000 views on YouTube since it launched less than a week ago. Beyond entertainment, some scientists certainly seem intrigued by the possibility of interplanetary travel. Theoretical physicist and Nobel Prize winner Gerard ‘t Hooft, a “mission ambassador” for Mars One, endorses the plan. He says, “This project seems to be the only way to fulfill humanity’s dream to explore outer space. It’s going to be an exciting experiment.” Next year, according to its website, the company will begin an astronaut selection process. Those who have the right stuff will then undergo a decade of preparation. And, we assume, the Mars travelers will be ready for their out-of-this-world close-up.

First off all, this is a fuckin wacky idea. These guys acting like we’re gonna send people to live on Mars permanently in 10 years is hilarious. Like its already 2012 and we still live in a world where a man dressed in a hat and uniform walks up and down the aisles of Metro North trains clicking our paper tickets with a hole puncher. Dude parades up and down the train calling himself a “conductor.” Yea, sure thing bro. A train conductor is like a dude who shoveled coal into the fire to power a locomotive. You carry a hole puncher.

Anyway, I’m digressing. Point its, its not like we live in a world of flying cars and robots and shit and we’re on the verge of intergalactic colonies. But at the same time a Truman Show on Mars would probably the biggest money maker in the history of television, so lets just assume for the time being they could pull this off. Who should Earth send as the first 4 inhabitants to begin populating Mars?

Obviously I’m the number 1 draft pick. I have my finger on the entire pulse of the male population. I’m educated. I have wit and charm. Humor. And I’m good looking enough that I won’t end up breeding an ugly race of Martians. Its a no brainer.

Especially considering the number 2 pick is Nina Dobrev. Hottest young actress on the planet right now. While my lazy eyed genes may not be the best, she easily makes up for my aesthetic short comings. Together we will begin breeding a planet of fucking gorgeous Martians with the wit, charm, and creativity of Shakespeare.

Number 3 is Mike Tyson. He’s the craziest, most intriguing human to ever walk the planet earth. A physical specimen. A mental catastrophe. He’s the hunter. The warrior. Its a risk bringing a crazy motherfucker who can kill you with his bare hands, but its a risk I’m willing to take. The inhabitants of Mars are going to need a little crazy to spice things up. Can’t have a vanilla planet. So I’m bringing the crazy train with me. Welcome aboard, Iron Mike. Not sure how happy Nina is gonna be sharing a Mars pod with a convicted rapist, but new planet, new leaf.

The 4th person. Now thats the wild card. We’ve already covered brains, beauty, and strength with the first three choices. Whats the 4th? Personally I’d like another girl for Mike to have sex with because I’d really prefer that he didn’t bang Nina. But thats just selfish of me. Do you just pick another dude with valuable traits and maybe get a shipment of all women after 2 years? Or do you pick another woman to be like the motherly care taker of the planet while I bang Nina Dobrev 24 hours, 29 minutes and 35 seconds a day? Tough decision.

Sound off. Whos the 4th?