New Yorker – Last Friday, we débuted “Questioningly,” a Twitter-based game show. In the first installment, we asked readers to propose a single English word that should be eliminated from the language. Suggestions were made via Facebook or Twitter, with the hashtag #tnyquestion. We started the contest with high hopes that readers would help to streamline the language. In the end, there was a runaway un-favorite: “moist.” People, particularly women, evidently prefer aridity. We’re not the first people to document this widespread aversion. Jesse Sheidlower (@JesseSheidlower), the Editor at Large of the Oxford English Dictionary and a spirit-consultant for the competition—by that, we mean that we told him about it, and drew strength from him as we conducted it—pointed out that it’s been written about widely, and he’s right: Ben Zimmer posted a piece about anti-moist forces at the Visual Thesaurus.
I spend a lot of time at Barstool debating the differences between men and women. I’m almost as much of a sociological professor as I am a blogger. I’ve been in search of the one thing I can pinpoint that differentiates men from women. In this world today, there’s so much shit going on, its hard to say with certainty that men do one thing that women absolutely do not do, or vice versa. Like at one point in history you could probably say “girls suck dick and guys don’t.” Obviously thats out the window. For Christ’s sake with sex changes and operations and whatnot you can’t even say penises and vaginas are exclusive to the male or female gender.
So I tried to get more specific with my observations. I noticed that guys have no problem sitting down at a bar completely all by themselves with no intention of meeting up with someone, eating a meal and watching whatever is on TV there. Most chicks would never be caught dead doing that. But, its not definite. Girls will walk down the street with the arms crossed. Guys don’t ever do that. We swing our arms. Put our hands in our pockets. But we don’t walk with our arms folded. But none of this shit is definite.
But I think I’ve finally discovered one. Over the course of my travels, I have learned that the ONE, single difference between men and women is that chicks have a completely irrational fear and hatred of the word “moist.” Without fail I promise you if you ask any female you meet, they will tell you they think “moist” is appalling. Many will say the same about “fingerbang,” but 100% of the female population hates the word moist. They can’t hear it. They can’t even see it in print. If they are forced to type it out, they will use an asterisk like “m*ist.” Its probably because it makes them think of vaginas and all the weirdness that comes with those things. I’m not really sure to be honest. But its what separates men from women. Not dicks and vaginas. Not sexual behavior. If you can hear or see the word “moist” and be completely unaffected and go about your life – you’re a dude. If you hear it and you cringe and gag and throw up in your mouth a little and yell at the person who said it to never say it again – you’re a chick.