The other night I was walking home at like 2 AM after the bars. Kinda stumbling I bump into this homeless guy who in my defense made zero effort to avoid me. He dropped his 40 and it shattered everywhere. Anyway he got pretty pissed and I had beer muscles so I started jawing back. After a minute or two his buddy goes “enough talking, now we’re fighting.” Obviously the idea of fighting two homeless dudes was pretty sobering so I gave them 10 bucks and walked away. But why did they let me walk away? How pussy a move is that? I would have respected them way more if they beat the shit out of me and left me a bloody, wallet-less pulp in the gutter.

Why don’t homeless people rob and kill and fuck everyone up? Seems absolutely ridiculous. Is it because of some moral code? Like every night they lay their head down and think “yea I’m sleeping on a cardboard box and I’ve worn these clothes for the better part of a decade and dinner tonight was out of a dumpster behind Chipotle but hey at least I’m not an asshole, right?” Makes no fucking sense. If I ever got really poor I’d steal everything in a heartbeat. Hell if my credit card gets declined I’ll probably just steal shit. Won’t even wait to be technically homeless. I’d steal anything I wanted, assault anyone who got in my way, and probably finger an unwilling chick or two in the process. What are you gonna do, put my in jail? Oh but I really love sleeping on this subway grate and shitting in alleys! Don’t put a roof over my head and feed me and give me free health care. Anything but that! I think I’m going to stop giving homeless people even a dime. If you want some money, take it from me. Quit being so fucking lazy.