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AZ Central – Police said a woman threatened her husband with a 7-inch knife after he threw away her bottle of vodka as she slept in their suburban Detroit home.  Clawson police Lt. Scott Sarvello told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak the man returned home from work Sunday night to find his wife sleeping with a bottle of vodka. He threw away the bottle.  Sarvello said the 34-year-old woman woke up, argued with her husband, went back to sleep, then got up again and grabbed a knife from the kitchen to force him to get her vodka or give her the car keys.  Police said the man held her at bay with a chair while he called 911.  She was arrested and found to have a blood-alcohol level of 0.23 percent. She was arraigned Tuesday on a felony charge of assault with a dangerous weapon.

Well well well, how the tables have turned!  I’d say about 200% of the time when you hear a story about a domestic involving a knife fight over vodka the wife is the one whos gonna end up being shanked.  But this is 2009 folks!  We’re a progressive culture.  We’ve got a black president and every day a new state allows same sex marriages.  So when you tell me that a we can’t have a story about an alcoholic mom wielding a knife to protect her precious Banker’s Club vodka, I say: YES. WE. CAN.

PS – When you are holding your significant other at bay with a chair like shes a goddam lion in a circus show, it might be time to call it quits and hit E-Harmony.