Mirror – A woman was mauled to death by a lion as she made love to her boyfriend in the Zimbabwe bush, it was reported today. Sharai Mawera died yesterday after the beast pounced as she enjoyed a romantic al fresco moment with her unnamed partner. The My Zimbabwe news website reported that the predator attacked the couple at a secluded spot in the bush near the northern town of Kariba. Ms Mawera’s boyfriend, who has not been identified, is believed to have jumped up and fled in the nude when the lion lunged forward. A source told the newspaper the young woman died at the scene. He said: “Unfortunately the woman was mauled to death by the lion, but her boyfriend managed to escape naked.” A friend of the couple told My Zimbabwe Ms Mawera had worked at the local market and that her partner was a fisherman. The friend said: “He is a fisherman and he used to often meet at the same spot with his girlfriend, who is now deceased. “The two were romping when the incident occurred. The lion came from behind and roared. “The guy managed to escape before stopping at a distance where he witnessed his companion being attacked. “He later rushed to the road seeking help.” My Zimbabwe reported that the terrified man managed to raise the alarm. Local police and armed rangers from the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management Authority rushed to the scene. The source said: “Cops and officers attended the scene and fired a single shot before getting to the spot. “The woman had already been killed. She had bloody bruises all over her body. Her neck and tummy had been mauled.” Rangers launched a hunt for the lion following the tragedy, amid concern the same animal may have killed a local man who disappeared at the weekend.

See this is why public sex is overrated. Sure, the idea of sex in the open is kinky. Taboo. But the actual act is always a disaster. You’re worried about getting caught. You can only do a handful of positions. It usually only lasts a couple minutes. Oh and you gotta worry about fucking lions mauling you to death.

Fucking Zimbabwe! I mean Jesus fucking Christ! Are there really that many wild stray lions running around that you can get fucking mauled at any moment? Hey baby lets sneak off behind this bush and fuck AHHH I’m dead! Fucking lion pawed me to death. Unbelievable. I mean I try to give Africa the benefit of the doubt and not think of it as one giant island of AIDS and death but when you hear stories about chicks being eaten by lions while fucking its kinda hard.

PS – Hands down the greatest cock block of all time, right? Like thanks a lot, Lion. Just trying to get my rocks off behind this bush and there you go mauling my girl to death. You’d figure King of the Jungle would have a little Guy Code too. Maybe at least let me finish before hunting my girlfriend. But no. Just straight up devour my girl right in the middle of some afternoon delight. Unless of course the lion was a chick. Female lions do the hunting right? Probably just some jealous fat ugly lion who can’t let another girl do her thing without calling her a whore and mauling her. Fucking chicks. All the same whether human or beast.