Would You Rather be Derek Jeter for a Month or Brett Gardner for a Year?
Wow what a great question submitted by…me. This is a tough call. On one hand, being Derek Jeter for a month would be 30 days of living as a Godking. Jeter runs through girls at a scary pace as it is, and that’s with knowing that at the end of the day, he has to remain Derek Jeter, and he has to deal with the consequences of Derek Jeter’s heart eating. Yet he continues to smash everything 9 and higher with a pussy. Now take that talent, and factor in the ability to not be him at the end of the month. AKA you could literally fuck 6 models a day, sully his reputation entirely, and then go back to being the nothing that you are in real life at the end of the month. Kind of a dick move leaving #2 with filled up answering machines and a slew of paternity cases across the country, but it’s not your problem. But being Derek Jeter would mean that you’d have to be half black, which kinda sucks. Just kidding, Mo and Black Dude. I love black people. I would kill to be half black. Not only would it put me on the same level as Drake, but it would finally justify the python I carry around all day. Finally put an end to the “I was so surprised, cus you know.. you’re Jewish” remarks from girls.
The Derek Jeter lifestyle would only be a month though. That’s just not enough time to fully enjoy the perks. It’s like that movie, Hall Pass. You’d have to spend the first couple days easing into the lifestyle change. You can’t just go full-force Jeter right off the bat or you’ll run the risk of pulling something. Then if you end up getting stuck with February as your month, you’re looking at like 3 weeks of Jeter. I mean you subtract showers and meals, it’s like twenty minutes, Elaine. On the other hand, you could rock that bulbous Brett Gardner dome for an entire year. Sure, you’re not slaying as much cooch as you would with #2 on your back, but I’d imagine “Hey, I’m Brett Gardner” does just fine in NYC bars. Plus, that’s an entire year of living a wealthy lifestyle, as opposed to just one month for those of you picking Jeter. I would tear through Brett’s savings account. Maybe a $35 overdraft fee from B of A would make him want that multi-year deal and motivate him to learn how to read a pitcher’s first move. Fucking ludicrous how often a guy that fast gets caught stealing.
Vote 1 for Jeter for a month and 10 for Gardner for a year.
(269 votes, average: 2.91 out of 10)
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Strasser enough with the stupid blogs, it’s lunchtime get off the computer, those pies aren’t gonna deliver themselves.
I feel for you here Strasser… its gotta be tough going through life having nobody to compliment you but yourself.. Waking up each morning having to talk yourself off a ledge. Thank god they let you blog, bc you’d probably be dead, face down in a gutter by now. So go you man, self high five. Maybe someday you’ll put it all together and people will have something to compliment you on, pizza boy
“Maybe a $35 overdraft fee from B of A would make him want that multi-year deal and motivate him to learn how to read a pitcher’s first move. Fucking ludicrous how often a guy that fast gets caught stealing. ” hahah A+
Anything beats being a pizza delivery Jew
They are both Yankee fags so who cares
Here’s the bigger question, and I’m honestly not trolling here: Is Jeter the most overrated player of all time? First of all, he’s a great player. And I know you can’t go all by stats because he has all the intangibles. But people act like he’s one of the 20 best ever. I mean come on, the guy’s signature hit is a wounded quail between first and second. Minimal power, average speed, average range in his prime, now terrible range. Was there any one year he was the best SS in the AL?
Whorefrost: valid question/points, but everyone knows Jeter’s signature hit got stolen from Tarasco by some little punk bitch 12 year old
It’s appalling how unbelievably terrible this post is. You make me wish I wasn’t a Yankees fan.
That was so dumb, Derek Jeter no question. My favorite part would be sending off the smokestacks I bang with a gift basket. I would be crushing throats so hard with my schlong Obama would have to make a law that all female smokeshows must learn sign language.
youve gotta be shitting me? gardner for a year no question, still have enough money to do whatever the fuck you want and still be able to drop the line “i play for the yankees, suck my d” and pull perfect 10 smokes, even if they may not have been on gossip girl or whatever and just like to do blow and fuck rich people. works for me, oh and plus people like brett gardner who arent yankee fans, jeter is probably more hated than he is loved by people outside of new york. gardner all day.
I’d rather be Strasser for 20 mins. Just enough time to go find the nearest bridge and jump off of it
Strasser, if you were either you’d probably just sit in front of a mirror and watch yourself jerkoff all day. By the end of the month Jeter’s dick would be nothing but a pile of ashes on the floor from all the friction.