How is this…

…dating that?

NBC Sports- At this point Japanese pitching import Yu Darvish is made of money. Not only did he sign a 6-year, $60 million dollar contract with the Texas Rangers in January (not including $51.7 million for postage and handling), he was already the top-grossing celebrity in Japan, having generated $258 million in advertising revenue in January alone. And since he’s set for life financially, Yu has decided it’s time to settle down with a nice adult film actress. According to several sources, he’s taken up with a “G-Cup adult movie star” who is known for her “electric tongue.”

Granted, she’s a bit Sailor Moon-y for my taste, but Yu Darvish’s porn star throw down has just completely validated the Texas Rangers’ newest pitcher in my eyes. Sure, on the surface he seems like the next guy to sit down for a chat with Chris Hansen, but behind closed doors, Darvish is going to tuna town with this adult film actress known for her “electric tongue.” Darvish is breaking all Japanese turned American baseball player stereotypes. Matsui and Kuroda are like the most docile creatures I’ve ever seen. At least that’s how their translators portray their personalities. but who knows… these guys could be throwing out “Fuck America’s” left and right and we would never know. We just ignorantly nod along and smile as the translators spin it into “uhhh baseball has been very good to me.” Then you have Darvish, who’s casually going along, earning a quarter-billion dollars in endorsements for ONE MONTH and banging a girl who looks like she’d appear on the bottom of YouJizz.com, trying to entice you to purchase entry into a live chat.

We could all learn a lesson from the Japanese. Fuck wasting time on pedantic details like making country flags and shit. Throw a red dot on it and lets go get blowies from the electric tongue.