Not sure if you’ve done this before. You probably have. If you haven’t your’e really shitting the bed. 5 greatest fictional baseball players (from movies obviously, unless theres some fictional baseball books..in which i guess you can include them if you want poindexter)
You guys think I’m just gonna pick a handful of people from Major League and Angels in the Outfield and Little Big League and shit? For sure not. Gotta think outside the box on this one. Lets fuckin do this dance:
5. Benny The Jet Rodriguez – Benny the Jet was a slick talkin Puerto Rican who dominated the diamond. Dude hit a ball so hard it fucking exploded. Also, in quite possibly the most unrealistic scene in movie history, he’s able to hit a ball directly into Smalls’ glove after telling him “Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. I’ll take care of it.” The guy just controlled the diamond. He risked his life against Hercules – thats Love of the Game. I own a pair of PF Flyers because of him. But alas, he checks in at number 5 because he never amounted to anything other than a pinch runner, and I’m not 100% positive he was safe when he stole home
4. The Kid Who Only Hit Homers
Hey Matt you wanna call me a poindexter? Go for it, pal. I’ll be the dude with the fictional baseball team comprised of guys who were fucking blessed by the ghost of George Baruth. No big deal. All he does it hit home runs every single time he steps up to the plate. Pretty sure thats a valuable trait as a baseball player. Was George Baruth real? Was he a ghost? Was he a figment of this kid’s imagination? Who fucking cares the kid hits BOMBS.
3. Marla Hooch
What a hitter! Yea I know shes a chick but her father raised her like a dude once her mom died. She’s ugly as fuck. Basically is a boy. Plus shes a switch hitter. Versatility.
2. Sidd Finch
The greatest April Fools joke of all time. The dude threw 168 mph! One hundred and sixty eight! He wore one shoe while pitching. He mastered control of his body through Tibetan yoga. And he can play the fuckin French horn. He would have been the GOAT.
1. Jake Taylor
When you think of everything a true, blue baseball player is, you think of Jake Taylor. A blue collar, hard working catcher. A team captain with bad knees and nothing else in his life to live for. Not the most talented guy to ever lace them up, but a gritty game. A winner.
Number 2 starter: Henry Rowengartner
When he’s “healthy,” AKA his tendons are wound too tight, he’s unhittable. Now I know what you’re thinking, what about when he loses his arm? What then? Well between the hidden ball trick and “just float it,” Rosenbaker proved he can get outs when he needs them. May not always be pretty but he gets through it.
Closer: Rick Wild Thing Vaughn
And I ain’t talkin about Wild Thing II Rick Vaughn. I don’t want the sell out pussy. I don’t even want the Rick Vaughn from the end of Major League II with the skull and cross bones eyeglasses. I want Major League 1, incarcerated Wild Thing Rick Vaughn who will fuck your wife and strike you out.