So I’m moving in with my girlfriend right now as we speak. Yup, that’s right. Out of moms house and into the unchartered territory of living with a woman who’s not related to you. I was warned by many, but like a brash young idiot, I did not listen. I thought to myself, how bad can it be? She likes to booze. Likes to watch sports. We watch a lot of the same TV shows. What’s the big deal?

Well today is moving day. We have like a 200 foot truck. My stuff is taking up approximately 4 square feet. The rest is hers. She just keeps laughing saying “I just don’t know where we’re gonna put all this stuff at the new place!!” LOL smiley face LOL. Yea babe, neither do I! Because we’d need a house the size of Nebraska to fit it all! Clothes, shoes, a life time worth of toiletries and all sorts of other shit. She’s got one box that’s like 4 feet tall, 3 feet wide that’s marked “Belts.” Just a whole box of like 60 belts. Wacky shit man. If you thought moving with dudes was ugly, moving with a chick is a whole new ballgame.

But whatever, moving is moving. That always sucks. I was smart this time and got movers so its nothing like moves of the past. But what straight up terrifies me was her first move upon walking in the new place. I’m talking very first move before the day even began. Bob’s delivery is on the way, movers have almost arrived, a million other things to worry about. And she starts washing the brand new silverware straight from the box. Brand new sparkling untouched forks and knives. Naturally I laugh at her and call her a psychopath. And she looks at me like I’m the one with 9 heads. She’s worried about germs from the factory and the box or something girly like that. You know how TERRIFYING that is for a dude who just bit the bullet and moved in? I’ve been duped! She’s gonna be the type to make me “wash the dishes” before I put them in the dishwasher. Gonna make me “clean up” before the cleaning ladies show up. Gonna make me make the bed every day even though its just gonna get torn up again 8 hours later. And if this mornings silverware event is any indication, I’m not talking about the bed getting “torn up” in the fun sense.

I’ve made a huge mistake. Cuncel Da KFC.